Abella of the Beast

difficult

svndara

Crushed silvers

I’ve smoked 120 cigarettes since you left. I notice the effect it’s having on my lungs but it’s easier to cough than choke up with an anxiety attack thinking of another with their hands inside you. For those five minutes I’m self medicating trying to inscenerate every kiss you gave me. Every breath stolen from you I want to reclaim. I pray to 20 white nuns in a black chapel. Each nun hears my soft whimpers until I use her up and toss her aside. Like you did me.

kissing-beehives

“The worst part about anything that’s self destructive is that it’s so intimate. You become so close with your addictions and illnesses that leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to survive.”

— Lacey L. (via lazypacific)